- Remote work has led many people to move, particularly from the coasts to cheaper, smaller cities.
- It showcases a new wave of young professionals shaking up the dating scene.
- But a new influx of transplants is also creating divisions between young professionals and locals.
The Bryant Lake Bowl & Theater in Minneapolis sees a lot of new faces on Monday nights.
That's when the restaurant, bowling alley and theater combo pulls off its cheap date offer: a spin ticket, two beers or a shared bottle of wine, and a free game of bowling — all for $38 a couple.
The deal has lured first dates galore, said Peggy Dainty, manager at Bryant Lake.
Some of these dates have resulted in repeat dates, weddings and anniversary celebrations. And since the space is in a neighborhood with lots of condos and apartments, there's always a new cast of characters. This is especially true as transplants have come down.
“The neighborhood is so young and fresh and it's changing who's moving into town. It's just evolving,” Dainty said. “I feel like we constantly have newcomers and new people coming to check it out.”
It's a similar story at Hatch'd, a hip breakfast and brunch spot in St. Louis. Hatch'd, which opened in 2022, has become the go-to place for young people in the area, said Joshua Sturma, owner and operator. It lists some of them down to Google results: When people search for breakfast, Hatch'd comes up most often.
”We've had a lot of people have first dates here and they have a lot more after that,” Sturma said. He attributed it to graphic vibes and the multiplication of the two peaks.
The rise of telecommuting has led to new waves of immigration and, subsequently, renewed dating pools across the country. Of the 817,669 people who left California last year, 93,107 moved to the Midwest, which the Census Bureau says includes Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota and Wisconsin. And of the 545,598 people who left New York last year, 41,730 headed to the Midwest. Some bring with them the wages of seafaring.
And some of these engines are ready to mingle. A Bank of America analysis found that more than 90% of people moving in 2023 to St. Louis, Hatch'd home, were one-person households.
The influx of singles is not purely a privilege for the locals. Matt R., a senior at Indiana University who dates men and women, has seen firsthand the divide between locals and the educated young professionals and students who flock to the area — especially with housing costs are skyrocketing.
“There's almost a class gap in dating between young professionals or students and then people who are the same age but maybe don't have a college degree and just work somewhere in the city,” he said. Matt chalked it up to the fact that “people want to date people like them.”
He believes those students and young professionals may feel less inclined to follow someone in blue–they work hard and prefer to date.
When it comes to the future of Midwest dating, he said, “I hope that can change, but I think a lot of people in a lower tax bracket could just move elsewhere.” He added that there is “definitely the problem of these new professionals pushing the locals away”.
A change in dating mindset
People long to find love, said Courtney Quinlan, CEO and matchmaker of Midwest Matchmaking.
Her agency primarily serves the Dakotas, Twin Cities, Chicago, Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas and Missouri. While businesses are usually booming, they are booming even more now in the wake of the pandemic. It's also getting more calls than ever from LGBTQ+ people communities.
“We're very busy and we're writing people. I work seven days a week,” he said, adding: “I never take time off. And I love it.”
At the same time, dating priorities are changing, he said. Gone are the days of app dominance, especially as younger people quit online dating for personal connections. There is also a shift from dating with the specific goal of settling down immediately to marriage and parenthood. Quinlan said she had noticed what she believes to be a more coastal version of dating.
“I think there's always been such a pressure in society, especially in the Midwest, to get married, have kids, put up your white picket fence, all that stuff,” Quinlan said.
Now, people want something different: someone they love, “their person”, rather than someone who just checks their boxes for a husband. It's a more romantic, less utilitarian view of collaboration.
They also go back to basics. “People who are really serious about dating are tired of using all the technology, like the constant scanning, the constant videos, the constant texting, all of that,” Quinlan said.
He predicted that people looking for that right partner, as Midwesterners are now, would much rather get together for coffee or meet at places like dog parks than “hide behind their cell phone and their apartment talking for three months and then find the person. they were chatting with someone completely different or with some ghosts after three months.”
Quinlan believes the change came from larger coastal cities and migrated inland with pandemic-era transplants. He's increasingly hearing that desire from people born and raised in places like Kansas City or Sioux Falls.
“Everything that comes from the bigger cities and the coasts, the music, the clothes, everything migrates to the Midwest, and we're the last to do it,” Quinlan said. “I think that mentality and that culture has been going on in bigger cities for obviously longer.”
People want to connect, but newcomers also bring challenges
Like other Americans, Midwesterners young and old are eager to connect right now. Look no further than Pop-Up Commons in Omaha, Nebraska. Launched in 2023, the community center was created to be a third place for Nebraskans to gather — and, yes, maybe date each other.
“We're starting to see a lot of people coming together here as their third place and meeting people, which is really awesome,” said Maranda Taylor, one of the co-founders. “We were able to connect so many people together.”
Taylor said the Pop-Up Commons' old-school, deli-style speed-dating was “hugely successful,” and a ladies' night dedicated to discussing taboo topics, including sex, sold out before tickets even went on sale.
Since the pandemic, everyone is alone, Taylor said. They are looking for connections and a third space outside of work and home. This includes newcomers, who find the space on Google and come for various reasons.
“For the most part, it's a good mix of all kinds of people,” he said.
Quinlan, who has been a matchmaker for 18 years, said politics has emerged as a big divider among would-be daters. Before the mid-2010s, he rarely needed to ask people about their political beliefs. But over the last eight years – and especially in the midst of the pandemic – it's become something they absolutely had to ask.
“It completely changed the way we did matchmaking,” he said. “We could have had a really great fight at a point that we would have matched five years ago, but there's no way we could have matched them when the views had completely changed when politics were involved.”
Quinlan said these days the polarization has calmed down a bit, with people willing to match others who may not see eye to eye, but are not extreme in their views. Indiana University's 2022 “Singles in America” match and survey of 5,000 single American adults—including more than 1,000 Midwesterners—found that 45% of those single Midwesterners said they would date someone who had “very different political views.”
Ultimately, Quinlan is optimistic about the new trends she's seen in dating.
“It's interesting to watch people who are like they're going to find — and want to find — their person for love instead of checking their boxes, which I think is awesome,” she said. “I hope it will help reduce divorce because the rate is so high in our country. I'll be interested to see what happens there.”
Do you have Midwest dating thoughts? Contact this reporter at jkaplan@businessinsider.com.
