- I grew up in Wisconsin and moved to New York a decade ago.
- When I first moved to the city, I had to limit my Midwestern friendliness.
- When I visit home, where people greet strangers, it makes me realize how I am always on guard.
When I first moved to New York from the Midwest as a freshman in college, I quickly learned to stop myself from talking to strangers.
In my small hometown in Wisconsin, greeting everyone you pass on the street is common courtesy. In New York City, I have found that this politeness is met with suspicion. Even making eye contact with someone you didn't know was a violation of city etiquette.
After a decade of living in New York, my Midwestern accent has faded and so has my Midwestern friendliness. Like many New Yorkers navigating the crowds and noise of the city, I exercise a healthy skepticism about my surroundings and just want to get where I'm going without being disturbed.
A crowded sidewalk in New York. Thomas Trutschel/Photothek via Getty Images
When I go back to Wisconsin to visit my family and friends, I realize how much I have changed. When strangers smile my way or make small talk like they used to, I initially feel defensive and wary. It takes a while to adjust to the warmer way people tend to interact in the Midwest.
During my most recent trip, I went out for coffee with my mom and couldn't believe she left her laptop unattended on a table while she ordered an Americano. In a small local coffee shop in the Midwest where the owner knows your name, that's something you can get away with. In New York, with anonymous customers constantly walking in and out of most coffee shops, I would worry about my laptop being stolen.
The necessary vigilance I've developed over the years of living in one of America's biggest cities feels out of place in a city with a population that couldn't sell out Madison Square Garden. I often don't realize how cautious I am all the time until I get home and experience the culture shock.
I'm grateful for the street smarts and assertiveness that New York has instilled in me, but I also hope that the Midwestern philosophy I grew up with will never be completely erased.
